A distressed flow

Motivation and Momentum are shunning me like the plague. This is very bad - I am not even half the motivated one I was last semester. Why do these elusive periods of Hardworking-ness come and go?

Please stay.

Just one night?

Long enough for me to sit still without fidgeting?

Is this what they call the Semester Two Blues? Because they are hardly blue. Blue is a wonderful colour, calm and serene. Azure. But this mess on my table of blatantly strewn notes and half-read dreary readings are the fucking pits. Think of the deepest possible crater you can. Multiply that by a thousand times. And it still wouldn’t be comparable. Then again I’ve always been one for melodramatics.

And Valentine’s is coming up - of which I really do have to get. something. done. ASAP. I enter these periods where I become extremely driven in terms of ideas and the intangible but I have trouble putting it into action. Is this what it means to be a Singaporean youth who is not driven? Shucks I never thought I’d fall into that miserable category, but I s’pose we all fall by the wayside one time in our lives.

I have an exam on my birthday. Oh joy. Whichever part of myself lost its mind for one minute and selected a module I knew had an exam at the end of April has now fully regained sanity. 

I’m headed to Phuket and then Manila or Cebu Island with lovely people come May-July. Ironically that thought is not helping one bit in generating more of this Motivation nonsense. Life’s a beach.

I discovered the most brilliant mix of Private Practice music on YouTube and it has been on repeat since well, last night. Whoever is in charge of music for these Grey’s Anatomy-esque series should be given a huge bonus. Maybe I should watch more of these Shonda Rhimes dramas during the holidays. Woman is a genius. 

Why do people strive to attain academic perfection so desperately? Been down the road and it is a lonely one to be on, if you ask me. You think these certificates with their fancy schmancy gold font and precise borders will fill a void in your life but they only serve to create one. A huge, bottomless one. 

Sometimes I want to dance in sequins and glitter and aztec prints and forget the world exists for a bit. But then this bloody 5% assignment and that 10% essay and another 15% project berate me in my head. And so I give in to the Voices.